Monday, December 15, 2008

Seahawks Win Again, Now 2-0*

*In order to maintain my sanity, I've decided to only acknowledge games against the Rams this season.

This is actually just a continuation of my policy as a fan of the Washington Huskies, whereby even the worst season is considered a success if we beat the Cougars.

Taking these two policies together, the Washingattle Huskhawks are 2-1 this season against their hated rivals, the St. Louigton State Ramgars, proving once again that they play great football in my home city-state of Washingattle.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

...and nothing ever happened in science again.

Oh my God! Two posts in one day? Are you dreaming? Pinch yourself. Right now, do it. Nope, you're awake. The Ninjaneer must be on a crack high.

I couldn't resist passing this on. One of my favorite rant subjects, CNN.com, just did something so beautifully asinine I'm actually gleeful. Seriously, I'm grinning like an idiot with the potential for ridicule. Where to begin?

As you may have noticed over the course of forever, CNN.com's science reporting has always been the equivalent of a five-year-old watching 30 minutes of Discovery Channel and then explaining what it was about. They catch some key phrases and the general gist, but usually butcher the details or leave them out altogether.

Well -- No more! That's right, CNN.com will never again post another horribly inept science article, because as you can read here, they're SHUTTING DOWN their entire Space, Science and Tech section!

Can you imagine the conversation in the board room? No? Allow me to help:

CNN.com President: How are things in Science and Tech?

CNN.com Sci/Tech Editor: Der, gahhhhhhhhhhhhh-thppt.

President: What?

Features Editor: Sorry, sir, he was, like, totally leaning against the stairwell door this morning trying to clean his ears with, you know, those scissors he's always running around with, and--

President: Yeah, Okay. Anyone know how things are in Science and Tech?

Opinions Editor: Sir, Science and Tech has never received a single complimentary Letter to the Editor, and this chart shows our customer feedback ranks it the worst Science writing since--

President: Is that chart in crayon? What happened to those laser printers we ordered?

Opinions Editor: The...Oh. We thought those were really big, slow laser toasters.

President: Okay, we need to seriously improve Science and Tech. Suggestions?

Features Editor: Could we, like, get a new geek? Who, like, knows about light bulbs and fancy gizmos and stuff?

Opinions Editor: We should get a robot to do it. I bet the Apple Store has something.

Sci/Tech Editor: Blub-blub-blub-blub motorBOAT!

President: Ugh. Never mind, lets just shut it down, fill the Science office up with sand, and get some Tonka Trucks in there or something.

Everyone: Yay! A sandbox!

I'll miss you, CNN Science section.

Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

I got some well-deserved shit over Thanksgiving for having abandoned my blog for the last several months. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to post when I got back though. Lucky for me, Dan sent me a great link, so in true lazy Dude fashion, I'm just reposting it here for everyone else.

What is it? Oh. Right. Well, for some reason the New York Times published a ridiculously in-depth article about the supposed return of the White Russian beverage to the, ahem, *hipster* scene, crediting its return to The Big Lebowski (yeah, they're a bit late on that one), and delivering several funny anecdotes about the yearly Lebowski festival that somehow I've never managed to attend. It's a good read!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/03/dining/03lebo.html?em=&pagewanted=all

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to In-N-Out Burger for lunch.