...and nothing ever happened in science again.

Oh my God! Two posts in one day? Are you dreaming? Pinch yourself. Right now, do it. Nope, you're awake. The Ninjaneer must be on a crack high.

I couldn't resist passing this on. One of my favorite rant subjects, CNN.com, just did something so beautifully asinine I'm actually gleeful. Seriously, I'm grinning like an idiot with the potential for ridicule. Where to begin?

As you may have noticed over the course of forever, CNN.com's science reporting has always been the equivalent of a five-year-old watching 30 minutes of Discovery Channel and then explaining what it was about. They catch some key phrases and the general gist, but usually butcher the details or leave them out altogether.

Well -- No more! That's right, CNN.com will never again post another horribly inept science article, because as you can read here, they're SHUTTING DOWN their entire Space, Science and Tech section!

Can you imagine the conversation in the board room? No? Allow me to help:

CNN.com President: How are things in Science and Tech?

CNN.com Sci/Tech Editor: Der, gahhhhhhhhhhhhh-thppt.

President: What?

Features Editor: Sorry, sir, he was, like, totally leaning against the stairwell door this morning trying to clean his ears with, you know, those scissors he's always running around with, and--

President: Yeah, Okay. Anyone know how things are in Science and Tech?

Opinions Editor: Sir, Science and Tech has never received a single complimentary Letter to the Editor, and this chart shows our customer feedback ranks it the worst Science writing since--

President: Is that chart in crayon? What happened to those laser printers we ordered?

Opinions Editor: The...Oh. We thought those were really big, slow laser toasters.

President: Okay, we need to seriously improve Science and Tech. Suggestions?

Features Editor: Could we, like, get a new geek? Who, like, knows about light bulbs and fancy gizmos and stuff?

Opinions Editor: We should get a robot to do it. I bet the Apple Store has something.

Sci/Tech Editor: Blub-blub-blub-blub motorBOAT!

President: Ugh. Never mind, lets just shut it down, fill the Science office up with sand, and get some Tonka Trucks in there or something.

Everyone: Yay! A sandbox!

I'll miss you, CNN Science section.

Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

I got some well-deserved shit over Thanksgiving for having abandoned my blog for the last several months. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to post when I got back though. Lucky for me, Dan sent me a great link, so in true lazy Dude fashion, I'm just reposting it here for everyone else.

What is it? Oh. Right. Well, for some reason the New York Times published a ridiculously in-depth article about the supposed return of the White Russian beverage to the, ahem, *hipster* scene, crediting its return to The Big Lebowski (yeah, they're a bit late on that one), and delivering several funny anecdotes about the yearly Lebowski festival that somehow I've never managed to attend. It's a good read!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/03/dining/03lebo.html?em=&pagewanted=all

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to In-N-Out Burger for lunch.

They're Made Out Of Meat

I am a big dork.

I came across this really short story (like 1.5 pages), a conversation between two aliens who have discovered humanity and are repulsed and confounded by the fact that...we're made out of meat.

I laughed.

You should too.

Dr. Evil is involved in this somehow...

Check out these insane pictures of the nearly-completed Large Hadron Collider. I could try to explain what it does, but since I don't really understand it I'll just say it's an evil genius physics machine that smashes particles together and might possibly destroy all of mankind by creating a black hole on Earth. But that last part is really unlikely. And the pictures are really cool.

Happy 50th birthday, NASA.

And next time some jackass says to you "Why the hell are we spending money on the space program," point them at this article listing 50 NASA technology contributions to the world. Okay, they snuck one or two non-tech items onto the list, but for the most part it's a list of technology spinoffs that have benefited non-space industries and average people on Earth for decades.

But hey, if you still think half a cent per tax dollar is a ripoff, you're entitled to your opinion.

Gummy Bears that fight plaque

I'm not kidding.

Just one question: Of all the candies they could have chosen, why gummy bears? The only worse choice I can think of is (ugh) Red Vines. Put this stuff in Starburst and I'd have the best teeth ever.

Lost a Great, but we get one back

At the time of his death, Tim Russert was my favorite journalist on television, to the point that I actually had Meet the Press on my DVR. Yep, I'm a dork. Anyway, with Russert's death, I was pretty much looking at the anchors on the major networks...and not liking any of them.

But hey! It's not all bad. It turns out that Aaron Brown, former anchor at CNN until about two or three years ago, returns to television journalism tonight. For those of you who knew me when CNN fired Brown and replaced him with Anderson Cooper (for the following reasons, in this order: 1) Cooper looked cool standing around pointing at Katrina damage and looking solemn, 2) Cooper makes women and gay men feel happy in their pants, 3) Brown steadfastly refused to take part in the rest of CNN's slide down into pseudo-news and empty-headed journalism, 4) Cooper didn't, and 5) low ratings), I was pretty ridiculously outraged for about two weeks. Once again, I'm a dork.

Anyway, Brown is back as the anchor of PBS's weekly show "Wide Angle," which is not so much a weekly summary of news as it is an in-depth look at one international issue each week. For example, it looks like this week is all about Darfur. Anyway, I like this guy, so I'm donating my modest advertising skills to his cause.

I think Wide Angle is on Tuesdays at 9pm on PBS, but really, your DVR could tell you better than I could.