Happy 50th birthday, NASA.

And next time some jackass says to you "Why the hell are we spending money on the space program," point them at this article listing 50 NASA technology contributions to the world. Okay, they snuck one or two non-tech items onto the list, but for the most part it's a list of technology spinoffs that have benefited non-space industries and average people on Earth for decades.

But hey, if you still think half a cent per tax dollar is a ripoff, you're entitled to your opinion.

Gummy Bears that fight plaque

I'm not kidding.

Just one question: Of all the candies they could have chosen, why gummy bears? The only worse choice I can think of is (ugh) Red Vines. Put this stuff in Starburst and I'd have the best teeth ever.

Lost a Great, but we get one back

At the time of his death, Tim Russert was my favorite journalist on television, to the point that I actually had Meet the Press on my DVR. Yep, I'm a dork. Anyway, with Russert's death, I was pretty much looking at the anchors on the major networks...and not liking any of them.

But hey! It's not all bad. It turns out that Aaron Brown, former anchor at CNN until about two or three years ago, returns to television journalism tonight. For those of you who knew me when CNN fired Brown and replaced him with Anderson Cooper (for the following reasons, in this order: 1) Cooper looked cool standing around pointing at Katrina damage and looking solemn, 2) Cooper makes women and gay men feel happy in their pants, 3) Brown steadfastly refused to take part in the rest of CNN's slide down into pseudo-news and empty-headed journalism, 4) Cooper didn't, and 5) low ratings), I was pretty ridiculously outraged for about two weeks. Once again, I'm a dork.

Anyway, Brown is back as the anchor of PBS's weekly show "Wide Angle," which is not so much a weekly summary of news as it is an in-depth look at one international issue each week. For example, it looks like this week is all about Darfur. Anyway, I like this guy, so I'm donating my modest advertising skills to his cause.

I think Wide Angle is on Tuesdays at 9pm on PBS, but really, your DVR could tell you better than I could.

Gas Price Bitching

I'm one of those lucky people who work from home and live within walking distance of 90% of the places they regularly go, so I'll just pre-emptively apologize for bitching about the price of my once-or-twice-a-month fill-up.

That said, it should never, ever cost $52 to fill up the tank on a two-door hatchback. That shit's just wrong.

Oh, sorry. As you were.

A few minutes ago, at the stroke of midnight, I heard a rustling in the bushes outside my apartment below my balcony, followed by some sort of animal squeal. I've only ever seen two kinds of animals back there -- my neighbor's cat, and a gigantic raccoon. So when I heard this noise, which did not sound pleasant, I scrambled for my flashlight and ran out onto my balcony to see if I could save my poor neighbor's cat.

I shined the light down along the path of bushes between my building and the next, and saw nothing. Then I heard a grunt to the right, and swung the light that way. Two heads rose up - a big raccoon head and...a smaller raccoon head. One above the other. It kind of looked like the smaller raccoon's head was sticking out of the larger raccoon's chest, with the larger raccoon standing in a sort of wide stance....

....Ohhhhhh. My bad, Mr. and Mrs. Raccoon. Didn't mean to barge in on your romantic evening. As you were.

I retreated back into my apartment, feeling oddly guilty. They had resumed before I got through the door. I think getting caught was a turn-on for them, because the really started going at it after I left. Hilarious.

Kickball is ridiculous

You probably already knew that, but it got ridiculously ridiculous last night for the back-to-back semi-finals and championship game.

First, the punchline -- we won.

Why was that unlikely? Where to begin...

1. Due to the games being rescheduled twice, we were missing 4 guys and 2 girls, leaving us with only 10 players (11 play the field in kickball).
2. Of those 6 missing players, one was our captain/lead-off kicker, and another was our bigfooted homer-smashing RBI machine.
3. Then, in the first inning of the semi-final game, our co-captain/awesome fielding catcher pulled a hammy trying to avoid a tag at third base. Down to 9 players.
4. Somehow we eeked out a 3-0 win in the semi-final.
5. Then things got retarded. First inning of the championship game, we gave up 6 runs. It's a five inning game, folks. That's a lot of runs. As far as I can remember, we scored 7 runs or more only once all season.
6. Down 6-0? No problem. We won 7-6 on a two out, bottom of the fifth bloop single.

Kickball is ridiculous.

Oh, did I forget to mention the bunt home run?

Why are we encouraging a Monkey-Robot Alliance?!

Monkeys: Cute, lovable, mentally-deficient ancient ancestors who we dress up in funny costumes for our entertainment, and who we occasionally find useful as test subjects for the next wonder-drug. But one look in their tiny monkey faces reveals the same warning which is found in their DNA; within their genetic code lies much the same potential that is found in our own, for good and ill.

Robots: Do not be fooled by the innocent prototypes that vacuum your carpet, or the more complex versions that build cars in giant assembly lines in Detroit; these, too, are but idiot cousins to a possible future enemy of all mankind - intelligent, evil machines, bent on destroying their creators and seizing the planet for themselves.

Hollywood has tried to warn us of these twin dangers countless times. Who can forget poor Charlton Heston, and his eventual and much-less-competent successor Marky Mark, in their losing struggles against a planetful of super-evolved apes and their anti-human bigotry? Or Keanu Reeves' valiant fight against a race of machines of our own creation, turned twisted and evil, and with an insidiously annoying penchant for talking way, way too much?

These movies showed us that both of these evil beings would enslave us: Monkeys would use us as beasts of burden; machines see us as an upgrade to the lithium-ion battery. Surely, then, it would be the sheerest folly for humanity to thrust these two potential destroyers of men together, to provide them with an opportunity for communion and conspiracy.

And yet, somehow, science has failed to heed these warnings. I ask you, if we continue down this path, how much longer will it be before someone utters the dreaded words of two combined nightmares: "Take your cold mechanical hands off me, you damn dirty robo-ape!"

It may already be too late to stop such an alliance, which means we have only one possible path to survival. Initially, at least, the strength of robotic apes will be confined to the digital and tropical realms. We must, therefore, strengthen our currently shaky relationship with polar bears, who have no love of the robots themselves, and work in secret to perfect vacuum-tube and other analog-based technologies, so that when the future war comes, we are prepared.

Yeah, work was slow today.