New names to file under "Booooooooooooooooo!"
St Louis:
1st Round: Chris Long, DE -- Stay away from my Hasselbeck, Mouflon!
2nd Round: Donnie Avery, WR -- Good luck getting open before our D-line eats your quarterback.
Cardinals: The Cards drafted three (3!) (trois!) defensive ends. They know you can only play two at a time, right? That weirdness aside, a good looking draft...
1st Round: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB -- Bad news: He's good. Good news: The Cards will coach that out of him.
2nd Round: Calais Campbell, DE -- Many teams had him rated above Lawrence Jackson, who we took, so we'll have a front row seat twice a year to see whether Ruskell made a good decision there.
3rd Round: Early Doucet, WR -- see Donnie Avery, WR, above
Niners:
1st Round: Kentwan Balmer, DT -- Some are already picking him to be a big 1st round bust. Great athlete, though, apparently. Lots of mock drafts had Seattle taking him, and we passed. Again, a twice-a-year front row seat to see if that was a good call.
2nd Round: Chilo Rachal, OG -- eh. He's a guard. Hard to hate. Must try harder.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Seahawks Draft 2008
1st Round: Lawrence Jackson, DE, USC -- this is looking more like a really solid pick -- 4 year starter at USC, will work in a rotation with Kerney and Tapp. As evidenced by the Giants last year, you can never have too many quality pass rushers.
2nd Round: John Carlson, TE, Notre Dame -- The anti-Jerramy Stevens. Hopefully. Won't stretch the center of the field like Stevens, but should be as good or better at everything else (i.e. blocking, not being a total dipshit).
4th Round: Red Bryant, DT, Texas A&M. I thought this was a big need -- a run-stopper in the middle -- and some sites are saying this was a big steal in the 4th round. Apparently this guy hasn't ever really been outside of Texas, which means I probably would hate this guy in person but I'll take it in a defensive tackle.
5th Round: Speaking of people I couldn't stand in person but will be more than willing to cheer my ass off for...Owen Schmitt, FB, West Virginia. This guy is the subject of one of my favorite sportscaster calls of all-time: Introducing Seattle's new Runaway Beer Truck. Other things to know about him: He has a mohawk, set an unofficial team record with ten broken facemasks, he really likes to hit people very hard, and he's a ridiculous quote machine. Just the crazy sumbitch you want lead blocking for your running back.
6th Round: A long snapper. We drafted a long snapper. I know we had problems with long snapper last year, but...seriously? A long snapper? Oh, his name is Schmitt too. Tyler Schmitt. ***BAD PUN ALERT *** Better a Schmitty draft than a Shitty draft, I always say.
7th Round #1: Justin Forsett, RB, California. Let's recap the RB's and FB's on Seattle's roster right now: Julius Jones, T.J. Duckett, Maurice Morris, Leonard Weaver, Runaway Beer Truck, David Kirtman, and now Justin Forsett. That's a good 2-3 too many. Kirtman is gone for sure as the third-best FB on the team. I'd be surprised if Forsett makes the team, and I think the only way he does is if Morris gets traded or released. Otherwise he's probably headed straight to the practice squad. Looking at this YouTube clip, he looks a lot like Morris, actually.
7th Round #2: Brandon Coutu, Kicker, Georgia. Kicker of the future? Will he compete with Olindo Mare this year?
This is a hard draft to get too excited about, since TE, FB, LS, and K are not typically very exciting positions. That being said, the TE, FB, and LS that we drafted were ranked best at those positions by many for this draft, so they'll be good role players. Add in a top-quality defensive end and perhaps a run-stuffing steal at DT in the 4th, and it looks like a solid draft class, if also a weird one. Everyone except Forsett and Coutu will probably contribute this year, which is also nice.
2nd Round: John Carlson, TE, Notre Dame -- The anti-Jerramy Stevens. Hopefully. Won't stretch the center of the field like Stevens, but should be as good or better at everything else (i.e. blocking, not being a total dipshit).
4th Round: Red Bryant, DT, Texas A&M. I thought this was a big need -- a run-stopper in the middle -- and some sites are saying this was a big steal in the 4th round. Apparently this guy hasn't ever really been outside of Texas, which means I probably would hate this guy in person but I'll take it in a defensive tackle.
5th Round: Speaking of people I couldn't stand in person but will be more than willing to cheer my ass off for...Owen Schmitt, FB, West Virginia. This guy is the subject of one of my favorite sportscaster calls of all-time: Introducing Seattle's new Runaway Beer Truck. Other things to know about him: He has a mohawk, set an unofficial team record with ten broken facemasks, he really likes to hit people very hard, and he's a ridiculous quote machine. Just the crazy sumbitch you want lead blocking for your running back.
6th Round: A long snapper. We drafted a long snapper. I know we had problems with long snapper last year, but...seriously? A long snapper? Oh, his name is Schmitt too. Tyler Schmitt. ***BAD PUN ALERT *** Better a Schmitty draft than a Shitty draft, I always say.
7th Round #1: Justin Forsett, RB, California. Let's recap the RB's and FB's on Seattle's roster right now: Julius Jones, T.J. Duckett, Maurice Morris, Leonard Weaver, Runaway Beer Truck, David Kirtman, and now Justin Forsett. That's a good 2-3 too many. Kirtman is gone for sure as the third-best FB on the team. I'd be surprised if Forsett makes the team, and I think the only way he does is if Morris gets traded or released. Otherwise he's probably headed straight to the practice squad. Looking at this YouTube clip, he looks a lot like Morris, actually.
7th Round #2: Brandon Coutu, Kicker, Georgia. Kicker of the future? Will he compete with Olindo Mare this year?
This is a hard draft to get too excited about, since TE, FB, LS, and K are not typically very exciting positions. That being said, the TE, FB, and LS that we drafted were ranked best at those positions by many for this draft, so they'll be good role players. Add in a top-quality defensive end and perhaps a run-stuffing steal at DT in the 4th, and it looks like a solid draft class, if also a weird one. Everyone except Forsett and Coutu will probably contribute this year, which is also nice.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Break out your Jackson jerseys...
Anyone who has a Darrell Jackson jersey collecting dust in their closet should be happy -- they just received a free Lawrence Jackson jersey, courtesy of Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell. Send him a thank you note! (Yeah, OK, the numbers will be different....)
Did anyone else think that was a weird first round pick? I hadn't seen that guy mentioned in a single mock draft or pre-draft article. He's from USC, though, and that's like the unofficial 33rd professional football team in this country, so I'll take him.
Did anyone else think that was a weird first round pick? I hadn't seen that guy mentioned in a single mock draft or pre-draft article. He's from USC, though, and that's like the unofficial 33rd professional football team in this country, so I'll take him.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Bye, Shaun.
Shaun Alexander to be cut today or tomorrow.
Man, it was stunning how quickly he lost his skills. Lucky for me, ninjaneers don't have the same drop-off rate when they turn thirty. I'll be holding out for a HUGE contract. My skills and resume remain cloaked in shadows, but trust me, I'm worth it.
Shaun's not. Good luck to him wherever he ends up.
Man, it was stunning how quickly he lost his skills. Lucky for me, ninjaneers don't have the same drop-off rate when they turn thirty. I'll be holding out for a HUGE contract. My skills and resume remain cloaked in shadows, but trust me, I'm worth it.
Shaun's not. Good luck to him wherever he ends up.
Monday, April 21, 2008
CNN.com now offers T-Shirts of their crappiest headlines!
Just when you thought CNN.com's lead headlines couldn't slide any further toward Entertainment / Offbeat News hell...they found a way.
The headlines at the top of CNN.com (to the right of the main story with the picture) previously were called "Top Stories," but recently changed to "Latest News." This was probably because so many people questioned whether stories about Britney Spears could really be called Top Stories, and as we all know, when faced with a decision between improving content or renaming content, CNN always choses renaming.
Anyway, you can now click a T-Shirt icon next to the wackiest CNN headlines and be redirected to a page where you can order a T-Shirt with that same wacky headline! And below the headline, they'll print "I just saw it on CNN.com" along with the date and timestamp!
Act now, you can get the following headlines on a T-Shirt RIGHT NOW for only $15, plus 4.99 shipping:
"Waste food dished up to hungry diners" link
"Prince drops copter in gal pal's yard" link
"Weird fish leave sea, spawn on beach" link
I hate you, CNN. I fucking hate you.
The headlines at the top of CNN.com (to the right of the main story with the picture) previously were called "Top Stories," but recently changed to "Latest News." This was probably because so many people questioned whether stories about Britney Spears could really be called Top Stories, and as we all know, when faced with a decision between improving content or renaming content, CNN always choses renaming.
Anyway, you can now click a T-Shirt icon next to the wackiest CNN headlines and be redirected to a page where you can order a T-Shirt with that same wacky headline! And below the headline, they'll print "I just saw it on CNN.com" along with the date and timestamp!
Act now, you can get the following headlines on a T-Shirt RIGHT NOW for only $15, plus 4.99 shipping:
"Waste food dished up to hungry diners" link
"Prince drops copter in gal pal's yard" link
"Weird fish leave sea, spawn on beach" link
I hate you, CNN. I fucking hate you.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Missed celebrity sighting
Last week I missed trivia night for the first time in, I don't know, months and months. I was sick. Boo hoo. Apparently, that meant I also missed seeing Matthew Perry show up with some mucky-mucks and kick the crap out of every other team at the bar. That's OK, I haven't seen him in anything recently, he can probably use that $20.
2008 Seahawks Schedule released
Here ya go:
Week 1: @ Buffalo. The only player I can name on the Bills is Trent Edwards. Is he still the starter? 1-0, or I'll be grumpy for a week.
Week 2: San Francisco. Weeeee!
Week 3: St. Louis. Josh Brown is gonna hear about it.
Week 4: Bye. Early bye. Blegh.
Week 5: @ N. Y. Giants. Didn't they win some big game last year?
Week 6: Green Bay. Awww, no more Favregasms.
Week 7: @ Tampa Bay. Sunday night game, national TV. You know how good the Hawks are on those 3000 mile road trips.
Week 8: @ San Francisco. Weeeee!
Week 9: Philadelphia. I have absolutely no opinion on this game.
Week 10: @ Miami. Think they'll have won a game yet?
Week 11: Arizona. The Cardinals are really gullible. They always listen to everyone say "They're gonna be good this year," and they believe it for a while. Reality should have set in by Week 11.
Week 12: Washington. Jim Zorn will be on the wrong side of the field. No! He's a Cylon sleeper agent! Hawks win, a million to zero.
Week 13: @ Dallas. Thanksgiving game! Huge!
Week 14: New England. Yikes, did this schedule get really tough all of a sudden?
Week 15: @ St. Louis. Depending on how weeks 11-14 go, this game may have a larger effect on my sanity than it should, whichever way it goes.
Week 16: N.Y. Jets. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Week 17: @ Arizona. It's nice in December.
Week 1: @ Buffalo. The only player I can name on the Bills is Trent Edwards. Is he still the starter? 1-0, or I'll be grumpy for a week.
Week 2: San Francisco. Weeeee!
Week 3: St. Louis. Josh Brown is gonna hear about it.
Week 4: Bye. Early bye. Blegh.
Week 5: @ N. Y. Giants. Didn't they win some big game last year?
Week 6: Green Bay. Awww, no more Favregasms.
Week 7: @ Tampa Bay. Sunday night game, national TV. You know how good the Hawks are on those 3000 mile road trips.
Week 8: @ San Francisco. Weeeee!
Week 9: Philadelphia. I have absolutely no opinion on this game.
Week 10: @ Miami. Think they'll have won a game yet?
Week 11: Arizona. The Cardinals are really gullible. They always listen to everyone say "They're gonna be good this year," and they believe it for a while. Reality should have set in by Week 11.
Week 12: Washington. Jim Zorn will be on the wrong side of the field. No! He's a Cylon sleeper agent! Hawks win, a million to zero.
Week 13: @ Dallas. Thanksgiving game! Huge!
Week 14: New England. Yikes, did this schedule get really tough all of a sudden?
Week 15: @ St. Louis. Depending on how weeks 11-14 go, this game may have a larger effect on my sanity than it should, whichever way it goes.
Week 16: N.Y. Jets. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Week 17: @ Arizona. It's nice in December.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Bank of America takes over top spot on my Shit List.
They started out doing so well. On Monday, Bank of America fraud services called me to ask about suspicious activity on my credit card account. It turns out someone had my card number and was using it to buy stuff online. I was impressed; the first fraudulent charge was Monday morning, and here was Bank of America calling me a mere 4 hours after that first charge. I closed that credit card account over the phone, and they said they would ship a new one overnight. It would be here by Wednesday.
Did I mention I just moved, and had changed my address with them that morning? Well, I did, so I doublechecked with the woman on the phone, who assured me it would go to my new address.
Here's what apparently happened next. Someone else at Bank of America saw that the address change was made on the same day the new card was being sent, and said "Whoa, that's suspicious, I better put a hold on that until we can verify it's actually the cardholder who requested it." So they slapped a hold on it. THEN NO ONE DID ANYTHING FOR THREE DAYS.
I called them just now. "So where's my new card?"
"Well sir, we placed a hold because of this address change."
"Yes, I confirmed the address at the time I requested the card."
"Yes sir, well, the address change on the same day looked suspicious, so we wanted to make sure you were actually the cardholder before we sent the card."
"That was three days ago."
"Yes sir, we wanted to make sure it was you who ordered it."
"How were you going to make sure?"
"We needed to talk to you."
"Then why haven't you called me in the last three days?"
"I'm sorry sir, I'm not sure."
"You would think that if the cardholder really did request an overnight shipment of a new card, that means he needs it sooner rather than later, right?"
"Yes sir."
"You can see why I'm upset. This is fairly incompetent."
"I'm sorry, sir. I can ship it to you now sir. It will be there on Saturday."
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....Must....smash....something....
Did I mention I just moved, and had changed my address with them that morning? Well, I did, so I doublechecked with the woman on the phone, who assured me it would go to my new address.
Here's what apparently happened next. Someone else at Bank of America saw that the address change was made on the same day the new card was being sent, and said "Whoa, that's suspicious, I better put a hold on that until we can verify it's actually the cardholder who requested it." So they slapped a hold on it. THEN NO ONE DID ANYTHING FOR THREE DAYS.
I called them just now. "So where's my new card?"
"Well sir, we placed a hold because of this address change."
"Yes, I confirmed the address at the time I requested the card."
"Yes sir, well, the address change on the same day looked suspicious, so we wanted to make sure you were actually the cardholder before we sent the card."
"That was three days ago."
"Yes sir, we wanted to make sure it was you who ordered it."
"How were you going to make sure?"
"We needed to talk to you."
"Then why haven't you called me in the last three days?"
"I'm sorry sir, I'm not sure."
"You would think that if the cardholder really did request an overnight shipment of a new card, that means he needs it sooner rather than later, right?"
"Yes sir."
"You can see why I'm upset. This is fairly incompetent."
"I'm sorry, sir. I can ship it to you now sir. It will be there on Saturday."
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....Must....smash....something....
Monday, April 7, 2008
France + Olympic Torch + Protesters = Hilarity
This article is comic gold. You must read it. Or just read my Top Quotes, below.
Olympic Torch Run in Paris Halted as Protests Spread
Top Quote #1: "Despite heavy security, at least one activist got within a meter of the pack of Rollerblading police officers crowding around the torchbearer." I'm pretty sure that "heavy security" and "Rollerblading police officers" do not go together.
Top Quote #2: "Around the same time, the flame went out for a first time — for "technical reasons" unrelated to the protests, a police spokeswoman said, speaking on condition of anonymity in accordance with policy." If your torch goes out for technical reasons, your torch is too complicated. Also, is it French Police Policy to ALWAYS speak on condition of anonymity, or just in reference to torch-outages, and which of those two options is less dumb?
Top Quote #3: "About an hour later, the flame was being carried out of a traffic tunnel by an athlete in a wheelchair when the procession was again halted by activists who booed..." Come on, don't boo the wheelchair guy!
Top Quote #4: "The I.O.C. has expressed serious concerns and calls for rapid, peaceful resolution in Tibet." Well Gee, if the I.O.C. calls for rapid, peaceful resolution, I'm sure it's just around the corner. Can we harness the power of the I.O.C. next time by having the next Olympics in Iraq?
Top Quote #5: "Protesters came to Paris from all around Europe, including four busloads from Belgium. " This detail tickles me.
Top Quote #6: "The flame moves to San Francisco on Wednesday, its only U.S. stop." Good thinking, pick a U.S. city that doesn't have a huge population of young affluent liberals and college students with a bent toward hippydom and a fetish for massive displays of public outrage...wait...note to self, watch the national news on Wednesday night.
Oh, and, uh...Free Tibet, and stuff.
Olympic Torch Run in Paris Halted as Protests Spread
Top Quote #1: "Despite heavy security, at least one activist got within a meter of the pack of Rollerblading police officers crowding around the torchbearer." I'm pretty sure that "heavy security" and "Rollerblading police officers" do not go together.
Top Quote #2: "Around the same time, the flame went out for a first time — for "technical reasons" unrelated to the protests, a police spokeswoman said, speaking on condition of anonymity in accordance with policy." If your torch goes out for technical reasons, your torch is too complicated. Also, is it French Police Policy to ALWAYS speak on condition of anonymity, or just in reference to torch-outages, and which of those two options is less dumb?
Top Quote #3: "About an hour later, the flame was being carried out of a traffic tunnel by an athlete in a wheelchair when the procession was again halted by activists who booed..." Come on, don't boo the wheelchair guy!
Top Quote #4: "The I.O.C. has expressed serious concerns and calls for rapid, peaceful resolution in Tibet." Well Gee, if the I.O.C. calls for rapid, peaceful resolution, I'm sure it's just around the corner. Can we harness the power of the I.O.C. next time by having the next Olympics in Iraq?
Top Quote #5: "Protesters came to Paris from all around Europe, including four busloads from Belgium. " This detail tickles me.
Top Quote #6: "The flame moves to San Francisco on Wednesday, its only U.S. stop." Good thinking, pick a U.S. city that doesn't have a huge population of young affluent liberals and college students with a bent toward hippydom and a fetish for massive displays of public outrage...wait...note to self, watch the national news on Wednesday night.
Oh, and, uh...Free Tibet, and stuff.
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